hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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