Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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