You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
