so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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