All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
