I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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