In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I want a musical about memes.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize