I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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