Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i think i have herpe
just one?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize