Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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