This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
