I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
