Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
someone owes me an orgasm
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
