after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
