Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
