clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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