He is such a slut. More and more my type.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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