He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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