I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
