New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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