does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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