Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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