alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I stole a fireplace last night.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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