I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
