im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
