I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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