I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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