We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
