My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
