I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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