Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
