i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
