We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have tasted many bathrooms
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
