and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
