Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
