Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
