it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
