I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
This is the high leading the old right now
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
