I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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