did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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