Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Vodka?
Forever.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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