u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
