It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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