I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
