you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
