Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
