my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
