so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
zippers are such a cool invention
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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