i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
