just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
