Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
