No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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