yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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