my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
