Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he shaved USA in his pubs
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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