peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
