you didnt know i had herpes?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
