Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
