So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
