I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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