Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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