WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
