I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
