i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
