Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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