please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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