Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I faked an abortion last night.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
