D3 body, D1 cock
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize