this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
