I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize