i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Lo siento on account of my penis...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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