Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
