Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
