Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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