im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize