When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is her dick bigger than yours?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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