Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I use my feet as sexual weapons
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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