I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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