It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
