Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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