It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
