my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
