We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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