Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
