I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
