so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
