god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
