I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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