I feel great
I just peed on a car
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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