You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize